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Physics Kid

by Andrew Whipple

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1.
I don't remember if you skateboard, but it fits in with your brand You showed me that old MySpace for your old high school band And it was better than mine was 'cause your songs weren't as dumb Your rule was "No songs about boys...except for maybe the one" You started with piano; you know I used to play the drums? But my arms are out of practice so now they just kind of suck Maybe that could be a metaphor for something in my life But that'd require being cleverer and thinking before I write Don't want to be a killjoy Don't need another decoy But you're about ten times to cool for me So I'm confused by all this chemistry But then again I was always more of a physics kid So explain to me just what you see in me You listen to Jeff Rosenstock; you know I know a song or two But I'm playing like a poser, pretending I know him like you do But even if you knew that you wouldn't give me shit Because you're not a garbage human being, unlike the rest of the internet
2.
Her Twitter feed's as sad as the best Front Bottoms lyrics Played over on repeat Her depth perception's bad, she's existentially seasick Can't stay steady on her own two feet Home is the second best France, the third best Canada A waterlogged past and the outstretched hand of A girl with poor priorities, reaching for a boy with social anxiety How's it gonna go, if you ask me 40 percent chance of disastrously No one's better at this than she was in her day Back when she was seventeen "Are you alright with peaking early," what are you trying to say? And who even let you on to this scene A punch to the wall, bleeding knuckles An American Girl doll slyly chuckling at
3.
He spends his normal Friday nights playing with the band Or walking through the record store holding hands But tonight he's skinny and tall, standing against the wall Sipping Coke Zero waiting for his friend to call So he can get a ride home, or at least out of here Out of the scent of stale sweat, salt, sadness, and beer But when he sees her there he can't help but stare At the girl with the bright pink, sharpie-doodle hair The fairy-tale prince of Toronto, vs. the world Could this be the one in a million parallel universes where he might get the girl? He'll never know until he gives it a shot, so step up, put in a quarter and give it a whirl The fairy-tale prince of Toronto vs the world The more he looks at her the more obvious it seems That she could quite literally be the girl of his dreams He's not that bad a guy, he just wants to try To get to know her but he's painfully shy So he walks up to her and asks her what's up And tells some lame story about scratching P's of of Pucks Wants to say something with style, something worthwhile Or hell, just say something to at least make her smile All her friends say to give it up, he could never hope to touch her level of cool All his friends say to give it up, aren't you happy enough with the girl from school But for now nobody else exists He's cursing the opportunity that he missed But if he can just get on her Amazon mailing list.... then maybe He'll ask for the site, place an order and wait by the door and give it a whirl The fairy-tale prince of Toronto vs. the world
4.
She makes killer coffee but she only drinks shitty wine She's got a boy from way back home she's called 27 times She never thought she'd be on tv, but at least it's in her prime She asked for his favorite station like she was asking for his sign But in regards to rock and roll I'd really rather just run out the clock Given time the twister tumbles towards your trailer in the park Only cool girls kill in company, clutching candles in the dark Saying "Privacy's the best excuse for me" He's definitively definite and problematic type He lost his first friend's glasses but he won his second fight He found her Facebook profile, only took about 16 tries Like a 33 at 45, look how the time flies
5.
Y'all know the lyrics, don't pretend.

about

Continuing the "new EP every roughly six months" cycle, but this time with something actually kinda listenable.

Beyond that, I dunno. I guess I've been listening to a lot of Teenage Fanclub/Gin Blossoms/Carly Rae Jepsen lately?

credits

released September 29, 2015

Everything performed by Andrew Whipple, and everything not written by pop goddess Taylor Swift was written by him too (including this description, so it's weird that it's in third person.)

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Andrew Whipple Chicago, Illinois

#GiveCarlyRaeJepsenASword2k18

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